Perceptions...

It’s a long post so hold ur breath, take ur time & read it…its 1:05am & here I go..
So frnds, marriage season all arnd as told earlier also…one frnd & one cousin got married recently, three fnds got engaged & one couple frm class also got married recently…all this jst in 2006 ..thatz less than 60 days...isnt it HOT enuf topic to write up on….so I thot of collecting perception abt marriage…so here is reporter Sonal asking ppl abt their views abt marriage…
Plz excuse me as all r the unedited views of ppl replying back either in person, thru sms, over phone or msgr…I will mention whether the respondent is male/female, married/unmarried, real name/pseudo name for my readers…*some names have been change to protect identity, where its real, I will mention that…

LUCKY: (Real Name, Male, Unmarried, My younger cousin)
No arrange, only luv....n if not luv then i'll marry my frend...i want transparency in married life...complete trust n by that i mean i wnt hide anything from her, be it my ailments or my past...i want a foundation of truth....i dnt want her to know cooking...nothing...all i want is that she accepts me the way i am....later if she wants any changes i'll incorporate those..no problem
...marriage for me is not COMPROMISE....it's CO-OPERATION

Things I want 2 do for special woman......
1> i'll cook for her
2> i'll take care her parents, especially her mom…(here urs truly asked Y MOM?)…"mom na hoti toh voh kahan se aati" i.e. If mom was not there where wil she come from?.....my way of saying thank u to her..
3> i want to hold her hand n watch sunset
Here Urs truly asked- "As its luv wat if ur parents don't agree? "
I'll try my level best to convince them, if they wont...then they shuldn't expect me 2 marry someone else, else i'll spend rest of my life remembering her every passing moment…& will make sure that she gets married to right kind of guy who keeps her happy & won't talk to her so that past doesn't haunt upon her….

Sonu (Real Name, Male, Married for two months, My elder cousin)
Marriage is a tuf decision, talked to a lot of girls before marriage…but settled for smone who has meeting of minds wid me, smone who cares & understands that marriage is abt being devoted to a relation…at present marriage for me is going down of my bank balance due to wedding arrangements…:-)...but its ok…v wil together make it again…only thing is she shud understand her responsibility…men n women r like two wheels of the cart…both shud be sensible & bold to keep that cart moving…against the social constraints….relatives come attend marriage & go, wil meet her after months…parents will talk to her for smtime... but its me who has to spend life wid her…so she shud b smone who understands me thoroughly….

Hari (Real Name, Male, Unmarried, My friend)
I m ready for marriage, jst looking for smone, tell me if any of ur frnd is interested :-) Hav told parents…I don’t mind even if she earns more than me…I m not frm those ego-centered guys…if she earns more than me I will feel proud of her…let ppl shud be jealous y shud I think abt it….horoscope match is imp for us, so parents want that to happen…its great if v r frm same office…there r many hidden benefits in it..if any nice girl in the office, give her my phn.no…(BTW, Hari works in my office & Hari look I mentioned ur name as u were asking me to post this on my blog for past so many months)

XYZ(Pseudo Name, Female, Unmarried, My friend)
Marriage for me is a very sacred thing. The guy has to be mature & understanding…person has to be first my frnd & then spouse…bcoz if smone understands u as frnd, wud never hurt u…shud be wid me in all phases of life…shud b there to share my laughter, shud hold himself even wen I scream & this is more imp...bcoz neone can share happiness but only who cares for u will stand near u even wen u r angry & shouting to go away…anyone can b happy wid us…but only smone who has been like a frnd…wil b there even wen things go wrong…smone who will hold the nerves even wen we are restless & will say that I knw u are tense my frnd…but together we can face everything…
...But then all this maturity he shud have before only, I am not going to teach him all this…if he is not bold enough to stand beside me against the world, he is not worth being my husband, I shud look upto him wid confidence & he will find me standing there for moral support wen he stands by me against all odds…he shud be a true male…bold, caring, luving, understanding…..

ABC(Pseudo Name, Female, Unmarried, My friend)
Marriage? I don’t know, yaar! Don’t ask me I m confused myself…sometimes feel arranged is better at least parents wil make correct choice…& sometime feel should marry someone who knows me like my close friend who was wid me in bad times bcoz they definitely understand us better... Can't say yaar…

Vicky (Real Name, Male, Getting Married on 6th April, My cousin)
She was always my close frnd…I knw her for many years now altho time doesn't matter here closeness does…v used to talk like frnds formally as v were in same office...then v got closer wen she started taking care of me, started understanding my moods…
...then my department changed & our work-time changed too…but she used to keep track of my timings, my likes & dislikes & then there is time in life wen u feel that u shud get married to smone like this only who cares for u so much, so then I decided to go for her…

...it was difficult to convince mom-dad first as she is a punjabi but then its me who has to spend life wid her so I don’t care wat it takes to convince our parents abt caste and I m a male so I have to support her…but she was standing wid me thru all this…in fact, now I feel girls are more mature than guys in this respect
….v went abt it formally...her parents came & talked to my parents…like it happens in arranged marriage….we asked them to take time & reply...we said we will wait for parents to decide & wont marry if they disagree...even mom-dad felt that we value their opinion and their dignity was maintained…it took few days but finally they agreed..& I m getting married…

VRS (Pseudo Name, Female, Unmarried, My friend)
I will say one should go for arranged marriage only…I have made frnds, boyfrnds, one in each year of college…but wen it comes to commitment they run away…they can't give a word…they are weak…they pose they are strong but are cowards when have to take a decision abt marriage, they give reasons like I need time, how will I tell my parents, I have not yet thot abt it, never looked at you like this…So, when I want to get married I wil just say to my mom.. go & find one nice guy for me & she will find, nice & guy smhow these two words don't go together, anyway if I get married by parents choice I will have smone to blame wen the guy is not nice…so arranged marriage any day fine wid me or wid a guy who is bold enuf to commit to me & talk to his parents & my parents…
Urs truly asked- "Wat will u do for ur husband?"
.. I will cook for him, be with his kid & keep him happy…(true indian girl)

Its 2:00am now…took a break for 20mins & went to massage sur's head as she was looking a bit tense to me since evng…hope it eased her a bit as she has slept while I was massaging her hair…& I came back to my lappy…So... I will continue my interview session further…

Vikkki (Real Name, Male, Unmarried, My friend)
Many of us are planning to get married in 2009…so we will think then…still time left…
(he has gr8 views in general though, chk out his blog for more...)

Srinivas Pammi (Real Name, Male, Married, My colleague)
(Have u ever heard of interviewer getting interviewed…No...then this is the case…bcoz I never asked him instead he asked Urs truly abt my point of view abt marriage during one & half hour bus ride to Golden Palms resort last Friday…wen I dint comment, he told & rest is narrated...)

Marriage is just abt understanding…so urs truly just asked-"Srinivas, urs is a luv marriage?"
…No, mine is arranged & I m married & hav 2 kids…Bindu is a nice lady…but I will tell u smthing abt smone u know…
...u knw Arun, rite, my frnd….Urs truly mentioned- "Ya, even he will join us for the meeting today, rite?"
….Ya, hez the one, he is my college frnd…went to Belgium for Phd...one day sent me a photo of Belgian girl 'Allan' mentioning Srinu she is my frnd…I thot there is smthing fishy this guy never sent me snap of a girl like this earlier…smtime later he told ..srinu I wanna marry this girl…now our Arun is pukka Tamil Brahmin & Allan a girl of foreign origin…Christian by religion…
…Anyway, Arun asked me talk to Allan so I talked to her for 2hrs just regarding this only…I asked why you want to marry Arun…she said she likes his honesty abt relations & the way he values his family….asked you both are from different religion…how will you manage…she said we will adjust according to each other
…Now, allan & arun are married for 3 yrs now, Allan has left eating non-veg food, learnt to tie saree, has learnt making south-indian food as arun luvs idlis…& they worship both the gods at home…I think thatz wat pure love is all about….accepting ur partner as they are…always ready to face all challenges in life for them…What do u think Sonal, wat is ur perception abt marriage & do you believe in pure love? (This was the question wen the reporter was caught off-guard)
… So Urs truly just mentioned- "Marriage is yet to happen lets c wats in store, but understanding at level of frnds is a must….& ya I do believe in pure love….there is no such beautiful thing in the world as this…Its all about giving up everything for smone I feel...whether its parents, siblings or spouse…there is no ego involved in pure love…you never feel insulted when they hurt you, you wanna be with them wen they r happy more specifically I wanna be close to someone I love wen they are depressed... "

…Pure love is different in all relations, Sonal...& is different wid ur partner…it comes wid the respect we hav bcoz they share all the pains wid us & stay there wid us even wen smtimes our parents, siblings or frnds leave us alone on some issue…
...they support us thru wen we need them…and they just be near us even we scold or fight…pure love comes wid all this, Sonal….pure love is wen someone is ready to face anything in life for you…Ppl like Arun are rarely lucky who get smone who loves them so much before marriage only & is ready to accept them beyond nationality, religion & is ready to change for the spouse…Sonal, they faced problems as parents don’t agree for smtime, but at last all parents agree…& taking pains for making them agree is worth for such a spouse who loves u so badly…

Urs truly met Arun & Allan both last Friday, a really nice couple married for last 3 years, hats off to them for loving each other beyond nationality, language, religion, caste & social bounds
...inspiration for all of us who still live in 21st century wid all this filth in our relations they show us that love knows no bounds, they don't mind country/state/language/religion…they stood beside each other faced the world bcoz they knew that world was not there when they needed someone when they were alone & needed a friend…

…v all select someone smday…but after all these perceptions reporter Sonal feels…One sentiment was common that person should be CARING…Everyone feels that the person should be one who is there wid us in the afternoon on the weekend wen we are alone, or wen away drops an sms at night wen we are feeling low, cares about our timings, keeps track of our moods, fights when we don’t respond, laughs in our happiness, gets worried wen we are depressed, senses wen we are down…in short, CARES...
Ciao
ps: Its 4:05am by my lappy…time to sign off reporter Sonal...
Guess wat song Vasanthi played today in GM Bangalore on Radio City..."Tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa toh nahi...Tere bina zindagi bhi lekin zindagi toh nahin..."....a wife dedicated this for her husband today

...there can't be better song for smone u luv... for those who can't get the meaning like kamyaa dint get today morning as she doesn't knw Hindi..here is my translation for them..way i explained it to her..."I can spend my life without u...but my life is not life without u..."